Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Curious & Curiouser

The last few months have been so interesting. I’m not sure where to start. I’ll try to make this brief, but informative. Before we started our small group up again (after a 5 month break), we felt like we were supposed to change the format of that group. We were being called to pray. During our first prayer meeting, David shared a vision he’d had of God dancing with him. And how, it was important to hear God’s voice, but maybe more important to be intimate enough with Him that we could follow his lead - and move forward in the steps that He was guiding. An hour or so later, David was driving to the store and saw a new neighbor moving furniture in his home alone - David jumped out of the car and helped him with the furniture, and the others that were still in the truck. It ended up that this new neighbor had just moved to Idaho with a group called Missionary Aviation Fellowship (you may have heard of them, or seen End of the Spear, a movie about their founders). Anyway, when our neighbor said that he just spent a few years in Venezuela flying for MAF, and had just moved to Nampa, with the group’s headquarters, it made David start to think about Brazil again. We began to research some things online, and look into the organization that David was with in Brazil back in 1999 - PAZ (Project AmaZon). After a lot of reading, and day-dreaming, we saw that they were in desperate need of volunteers. Not a lot of thought was given to it, we both went about our regular days, but I was having trouble sleeping at night, and all I could think of was Brazil, and what it would take to go there. After about a week of this, I shared with David how I couldn’t get it out of my mind, and really felt like it was something we should pursue. David was so relieved to hear it, he had been feeling the same way, and was wondering how he was going to convince me. He felt like it was a desire that had always been alive since 1999, and that maybe the reason why it hadn’t happened yet, was because we hadn’t tried. I sent an impromptu email to PAZ , and received a quick response about how desperately they needed help and how blessed they were to be hearing from us. Needless to say, in a matter of days, our worlds were turned completely upside-down. It’s amazing how a change of future plans like that, can effect every single area of your life. How could we afford this? What would our kids do? When could we be ready to go? We just started moving one step at a time... let’s fill out the paperwork. Let’s give our reference forms to our pastor. Let’s tell about 5 people. Let’s wait. Let’s wait.... let’s wait some more. (The email process between here and there takes a lot of patience). In the meantime, we’ve been having waves of excitement and waves of wanting to puke. Thinking about quitting David’s job, selling our home, moving to another country, staying there for 6 months, deciding whether it is what we’d like to do long term. So, many questions, and really none of them being answered. We felt like we were being called to go, and at the same time not knowing when or how. We knew we weren’t supposed to be telling everyone we knew, until we had definite dates from PAZ, and were putting our house up for sale, etc. In the meantime - more waiting. The references forms were given to the appropriate people, and still more waiting. They won’t approve an application until they’ve reviewed all the documents. While waiting, and going back and forth in waves of anticipation and utter, sweat-drenching fear - knowing the whole time that God is completely in control of all of this.
For the last 3 weeks, I’ve been praying “God, give us something really obvious, an obvious sign, something really unmistakable so that we’ll know that what we’re planning in 6 months is what you’re planning for us.”
Then on Tuesday, He answered us as simply, and as obviously as He could. I took a pregnancy test. And the whole time, while I was waiting, I was praying “God, Your will, not mine, Your timing, not mine...”. As I read the test, I nearly fell over, “this can’t be right... I must be reading this wrong” - “maybe I should read the directions again”. “oh, ok, um, ... David???!!! can you come here for a minute??”. Yeah, I’m pregnant again. I go to the doctor in a week or so, and she can tell confirm all this, and give us dates and such (but I did take 2 tests and they both say “yep”).
Certainly, not the timing I was thinking of, but such an obvious answer to our prayers. “Not right now, you guys!” At the same time, I feel like God is standing here with a grin on His face... “you kids... I love you so much!”.
So, in the end, I don’t even feel like he squashed our dreams and desires to be missionaries in Brazil, He just loves us enough to give us more time than we thought we had, and another baby to add some more joy to our home.
So, we are in a bit of “stall” mode right now, our focus on our immediate future has changed to things like “how can we fit 3 car seats in our 5 seat car?” “Do they make 3-seater, strollers?”

God is good, and His love endures forever!

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